Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Despite everything I am not, yes I still love myself.

It took me 38 years to know and feel that I truly LOVED myself. I am not talking about my “looks”; I am talking about me, myself and I. It took me into my late 30’s to realize the type of person I WANTED to be not just the person I wanted to portray. 

Before I could love myself I had to FREE myself. Free my mind of nonsense, drama, negativity and hate. Fill myself with positivity, love, acceptance, forgiveness and kindness.  I make a conscious effort to be a good person and live a happy life. 

I am not a skinny model. I am significantly overweight.  I have a stomach covered of old faded pregnancy stretch marks and not one but two cesarean scars.  I have a FAT arm, yes not 2 just one, lucky me.  I have feet that have to be faithfully pedicured or I could use them as a weapon. I have several although new strands of grey hair. I have boobs that can’t fit into cute lil bras because I need 4 hooks to hold these girls in place. I have boobs that without a bra they sag after using them to feed my baby boy for the first 6 months of his life and then I religiously pumped the heck out of them for 2 more. 

 I have made mistakes big and small. I get mad sometimes. I am always late. There are times when I just want to be left alone. I am not always outgoing. I tend to speed mostly because I’m always late.  I am not as organized as I once was. My house hasn’t been as clean as I have always kept it since my 2nd boy was born almost 5 years ago.  I can be harsh with the truth. 

Despite everything I am not, yes I still love myself. 

I love myself because I truly would like to meet ME. I am FUN. I am funny. I am a nice person. I try to be kind to everyone. I say please, thank you, hold doors and smile at strangers. I look beyond what meets my eye and try to be respectful of what others think or need. I am a great mother and that’s the most important thing in my life. I work hard to try and find balance between raising boys and being a full time working Mom. I really do LOVE my Husband. It’s not a fake, “we’ve been together 20 years so let’s just keep this thing going”, No; I truly care about our marriage and never want it to end. I want to be a good wife. I am a GREAT daughter, sister, Aunt and friend.  I love with my whole heart. I never say things I don’t mean.  I am a giver. I let things go that aren’t important to stress over. I am honest. I am sincere.  Although, I may not be a skinny model, I am pretty. I have great naturally curly hair. I have nice big brown eyes. I have good teeth and a great smile. I am healthy. I have a big loud laugh. I carry all my extra poundage as well as I can and ALWAYS dress it appropriately. I LOVE myself without being conceited, vain or making others feel bad. I am not a jealous person and I LOVE that about myself. I love myself for Me; I love myself because I should. I love myself because it’s makes everything else in my life right. I love myself because I know my true self. 

 I am just your average woman living the life I want and making healthy strides to better myself.  I am just like you and sometimes find myself looking for “more” but seriously when I lay my head down at night I am at peace. I am happy. I am just me. I know who I am. I am proud of who I am. The acceptance of others or the world is not needed and definitely does not validate who I am.

My wish is that ALL women can find this peace and pass it on. Strong Woman building each other up is what this world needs more of.