Thursday, May 29, 2014

"The Hat"

You have to believe in certain things. You have to believe, to keep yourself from thinking you’re crazy. You have to believe that the people you lost but loved the most are always with you especially when you need them the most.  So many, too many things have happened since my Dad passed that makes me believe is he is beside me and watching over not only me but my family.

  I have told the stories before, (for my new page followers this is a brief recap) that my youngest son was 2yo when my father passed away suddenly. He is now almost 5years old.  He randomly asks questions, says things and remembers facts/ details that no 2year old would ever remember. He does and says these things mostly when it’s just him and I. There have been a few occasions when my Husband, older son or my Mom have been around that he blurts something out. Like most recently, last week we were all in the car and he randomly says “I Miss Pop” and says a few random things about heaven.  The week before that I was driving my older son to practice and we hear from the backseat as we pass a cemetery “Is that where Pop’s rock is, Can we see Pop”…… my older son just stares at me, waiting for me to say something.  

So, this morning. I am finishing getting things ready to head out the door and he comes up to me with a visor he found in the bottom of my bedroom closet upstairs. 

His exact words were (4yo):  “this reminds me of that hat Pop had for driving but without a top on it” (as he is using his hands to pretend to drive.)
Me: What was he driving?  
4yo: A boat, you know when I would wear the life jacket, Hey I wonder if that life jacket still fits me, I might need a new one. 
I bring him to the downstairs coat closet and find my Dad’s hat that my Mother had given me to keep. I pull it out….
Me: Is this the hat you mean?
4yo: Yes, that’s it, (his eye light up big as saucers). He takes the hat; he puts it on his head.
Me: You can wear it if you want
4yo: No, I need you to put this back right where it was. I will wear it tomorrow and I think I am going to need a new life jacket.
Me: Ok, when we go to camp, we will try on your life jacket and see if it fits.

That was it. He changed the subject and we went to school. 

The way I have been feeling lately I have to say the timing could not have been more perfect. He’s still with me and he’s apparently telling Tanner it’s time to get a new life jacket this year...... Camp/Safety tips from Heaven. 

My Dad was a man of few words; but just like when he was here, he knows when to speak up, when I need him most and this morning was no exception.  

Always Believe.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

What kind of Mom am I?

What kind of Mother am I?
            I am a in your face, honest, their biggest fan, encouraging, lovable, helping hand just let me take one more picture of you kind of Mother.  I LOVE my boys more than life, would do anything for them and I do.

I wake up every morning with them yes even the teenager. I make him his lunch and breakfast while  he gets ready for school. We chat about what’s in store for that day, I always ask him “Do you have everything you need” and off he goes. Then it’s round 2 with the 4yo more of struggle and definitely not as easy right now but we’ll get there. The evening is much of the same, pickups, practices, games, dinner, bath, stories, homework, the same routines and rituals.

Most everything I do on a daily basis is for them. I know I do a lot for my children but I try to keep it a balance as well to ensure they learn to do for themselves. The media is all about we "do too much for our kids" and while  I may make certain things cushy for them, you can be sure when they go off to college they will know how to take care of themselves.

But for now, I will enjoy them. I will do for them, encourage them, teach them, take care of them, spoil them and most of all LOVE them.  I will make my child’s plate for dinner not because he's incapable but because I want to. I will do his laundry and wash his uniforms, not because he 's incapable of using the washing machine but because he works his ass off every day from 7 am to 9pm at night with school, gym, practice, games and then homework. I am his Mom and I want to do this for him.  I will probably make his breakfast every day before school until he leaves the house because I want to. I get up before 7am with my lil guy because I want to and I don’t want him to fend for himself on Saturday morning.  I love taking care of them, doing things for them and being their Mom.  I am not embarrassed and I do not feel it is making them any less of a “man”.  They are my children and it’s my job to teach them and guide them to be independent successful men but it’s also my job to care for them.  I only have so much time allotted to take care of them before they are out on their own, forced into the real world like us, wishing they had someone to take care of them or help them. So for now I will keep caring and doing for them because I WANT TO.

Some may think I do too much but I am just being their Mom and I am just being me. The greatest part of my life is being their Mom.  They are great boys.  They appreciate all I do for them. It shows in their actions or from them just saying “Thank you” to me.  They both LOVE me back just as much. The 15yo still gives me a hug before he leaves for school and before he goes to bed EVERY DAY.  There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t tell me he loves me.  I think that’s a miracle and something to be super proud of as a Mom of a teenager.  The 4yo is just obsessed with anything Momma right now but I think it still counts and hope he follows his brother’s lead on how to treat your mother. 

So when the time comes and it’s time for them to take care of me not because I’m incapable but because they want to help their aging Mom, I will think I have taught them well.