Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Would I Love you as Much as I Loved your Brother?

It’s hard to believe that you are turning 6 years old. Although we tried for months for you I can remember wondering while I was pregnant with you in what ways; in what capacity I could love you. I would love you of course, I already did love you but I questioned myself. Did I have enough love for you? Was my heart capable of giving you enough love?  I already knew how much I loved your brother and I just couldn’t fathom loving someone else that much too. Was my heart big enough for you? Then you came thrashing into the world a month earlier than expected and in that scary moment there wasn’t anything more I ever wanted, wished for or prayed for more than YOU and that you my little baby boy would be okay. Right then, I knew I had enough love; it was pouring out and all over through my tears, in my mind and through my heart. My heart was pounding and there was no doubt it was big enough for you too. I loved you instantly just as much as I loved your brother and I never questioned my capability of loving you, EVER again.  Mother’s just have this ability to love that you will never understand nor should you ever question. 

It’s hard sometimes to remember what my life was like before you scared and surprised us with your arrival. You had us on the edge of our seat that day and every day since.  You are a firecracker. You are so talkative, outgoing, funny, courageous, loud, creative, smart, lovable, random, rough, kind and carefree. You laugh so much, smile all the time, talk fresh, argue too much, you have the ability to make my heart melt yet drive me crazy all at the same time.

You are sometimes more than I can handle but with that you have taught me so much about myself and as a mother. You have forever changed my life, the way I see things and have kept me young over these six crazy years.

I want you to know that I love you unconditionally. I love YOU. I LOVE that face at the end of my every day. I love everything about YOU. I don’t love you just because you remind me of your brother or because you hear people say how much you look like him when he was young, or because you try to be just like him, I just LOVE YOU for YOU. I love you for all the ways you are like him and for all the ways you are nothing like him. I love You for You. Little brothers, especially when they are 10years apart can sometimes feel lost in their big brothers shadows always trying to catch up and measure up. I never want you to feel lost. You are vivid, strong, and independent and you are just as important and just as loved. I want you to always keep doing, playing, imagining and adventuring in the things that you LOVE. Sometimes you will love many of the same things as your brother and sometimes you won’t either way its okay.  I will still love you just the same and just as much.  Your Big Brother leaves a trail with big shoes to fill (literally) and there couldn’t ever be a better person for you to look up to, love or be inspired by but I always want you to know I love YOUR trail and your shoes too even if for now they are different, slower or smaller and I LOVE them just as much. 

You give me unspeakable joy and help me fill our serious “by the book” house with so much love, laughter and spontaneous fun. You are my last baby, my baby boy, my little love, my snuggle monster and my hand holder. You will forever and always be known as Momma’s “baby” boy and that’s a title your big brother never had. 

Happy 6th Birthday Crazy Kid.