Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's 2012

This is it....the last day of the worst year of my life. I am determined to make peace and get my life back. I will not make HUGE resolutions because I like most everyone( even though they won't admit it) FAIL after about 2-3 weeks. 

I have decided to make a list of 5 Things that I can do:

  1. Let's not get any fatter! Every woman on January 1st says "I'm going to lose weight" most of us don't and then the following New Year's Eve we are 10 lbs heavier. So next year I will either be the same or have lost but will not be any fatter!!! Hey, sounds good. 
  2. Make time for me to get back to exercise. Yes, Hubby and I are joining a Gym. Hmmm the ultimate New Year's resolution and so cliche.......but whatever
  3. Delegate more- I have a Husband, teenager and a toddler. They can all do something around here....yes, even the 3 year old. I will do the same at the office. I do not need to do everything everywhere!! I will have a hard time with this because I like things a certain way but I will have to let go which brings me to #4
  4. Letting go....Let go of things I can't change and focus on what I can.
  5. Be on time. Yes, if "running" late was exercise I would not even need my #1. I am always LATE! 

Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Beginning of what feels like the end...

So, here I am thinking about all I am, have been through and have yet to endure. I am a married, fun, wine drinking, tattooed, overweight, 36 year old mother of 2, (a teenager and a toddler). I work full time Managing a physicians office, have a house to upkeep, dinners to make, sporting events to attend, a sister (who always needs something), a 1 year nephew (who I just adore)and a mother who has been a (young/unexpected) widow for 1 year, 1 month, and 24 days. To say 2012 sucked the life out of me mentally, physically and emotionally is an understatement. Up until November 6th 2011 my life was just ordinary, sometimes busy but just normal. Then it all hit November 6th about 6:00 the call that changed everything. My Dad was gone, massive heart attack took his life and changed mine forever. 

In the first 6 months of 2012, I didn't cry enough and compensated I guess. I drank too much wine, I ate too much and I gained about 30 lbs. For all of 2012 I took care of everyone but ME. From the minute my feet hit the ground in the morning until they are tucked in tight at night I am taking care of someone else. From the office to home and then repeat, repeat, repeat. I take care of things, I problem solve, I find things, I make things, I do things, I calm things, I listen to everyone's problems and I never sit down. Now don't get me wrong I love my husband, boys and family more than life itself. My boys are the best part of my everyday. 

When my Dad passed, it was heartbreaking for my entire family. It still is. I miss him everyday. I wish he was here everyday. With his passing, I have realized how strong I really am....looking back...Did I really take my Mom home from the hospital and comfort her the night and everyday since he passed...How do I do that? Did I really plan a funeral for my Dad who was 52, How did I do that? Did I take care of everything for an entire year.....yes, yes I did! I did it because I love her and I loved my Dad. I did it for her and I did it for him because he knew I would. It's what family does. So on top of grieving, being overwhelmed, stressing, going back to work for 5 days week, taking care of the four of us and then trying to help my Mom cope with losing her husband. I am spent, I am burnt, I am still sad and that left me to ask myself "How much can one person endure before they just go bat shit crazy?"

I guess that was answered on 12/17/2012 with my recent health scare which landed in me in the hospital for 2 days with chest pains, shortness of breath, anemia and blood pressure acting wacky. 

So for 2013, I have decided that it's time for ME. I had to make that decision even though it hurts. 

I have started this blog to heal my soul, heal my heart, share my thoughts, inspire and make people laugh. Create a journey that will make things better and I will share it all with you. The stories of everyday life played out right will be brutally honest, funny, sad, embarrassing holding nothing back as that is how real life is. 

Welcome to my world!