Dear Big Brother

I know Mommy always tell you “He is only 4 years old” Well, sometimes I even hear her telling Daddy that so you are NOT alone. 

 I am 4 years old. My mind doesn’t work like yours yet and I have no Volume on my mouth. Sometimes you lose your patience with me and want me to leave you alone. I hear Mommy telling Daddy it’s because you are still just a kid too, because sometimes I think people forget that about you. 

I want to be like you. I love you and think you are the greatest. I think you will be my Hero forever.

I want you to try and remember a few things about being 4. 

I just want to be loved all the time. I want to talk all the time and have all the attention. It’s ok that I have my own opinions. It’s ok that I LOVE John Deere tractors and country music. I love to laugh and act silly even when it makes no sense. I am a goofball. You don’t have to correct everything all the time, sometimes I use my imagination. It’s ok to color outside the lines, get paint on my hands or give a Daddy 6 eyeballs in my drawing. I like to do things myself. I like to set the table and it’s ok that it’s not just the way Mommy does it or I’m slow at it. I am messy and I am picky. I am particular. I am funny and it’s ok to laugh at me. I want you to be silly and make me laugh at you.  I am creative and compassionate. I do things at my own pace. It’s ok for you to slow down and try things at my pace too.

I like to help you and sometimes you should let me and not care that it takes you twice as long. I feel sad when you leave and I can’t go. I might cry and it’s not “weird” it’s because I will miss you.  It doesn’t matter how many times I have seen Cars I still like it and it’s ok to watch it again. I hate taking showers even though I LOVE getting dirty and that all makes no sense, but that’s ok.  I say Mommy is my girlfriend and you said she’s not, but she said you use to say that too. I misbehave sometimes and maybe that’s not ok but it is only because I am 4 and probably tired. I get over tired but don’t want to get tucked in and that’s normal at my age.

Sometimes being 4 is hard and I bet being 14 is hard sometimes too. Sometimes the things I do don’t make sense to you and that’s why Mommy reminds you that I am only 4. I heard you ask Mommy if she was going to use that excuse forever “Oh he’s only 15”, well she might, you know how she is, but you do have to remember you will always be 10 years ahead of me and I will always be trying to catch up. 

 I will always think you are the best Big Brother in the whole wide world and I love you so much maybe even 199 eyeballs much.

"Never Forget" 9/11

 

It was a sunny morning.  I was home playing with my 2 ½ year old son. I wasn’t working and we were 25 days away from tying the knot. The phone rang, he said turn on the TV, a plane just hit a building in NYC. I said OK; neither of us knowing at that moment our nation, our people, and our homeland was under

brutal attack. The day unraveled in a way that no one could of ever possibly imagined.

The stories, the pictures, the news coverage the utter sadness and rage that we all felt was pure. It was electrifying. The Nation for the first time (that I remember) was WHOLE. We were TOGETHER. It was during this time there was no racism or hate, we were just ALL human beings trying to do something, anything to help one another.  Service men, military, firefighters, police and paramedics from all over volunteered for countless hours, days, weeks and months risking their lives to save others. The days dragged on and no one day was any less sad than next. I would just sit in my living room and cry at the news on a daily basis. Then he said it, my baby said “Momma, Big Mess” pointing to the TV coverage. (I will never forget it) I made the conscious decision to turn off the television that day. Not because I didn’t care but because I cared. I cared about how my little man was going to perceive the visions that were consuming me. I chose that day to let his innocence carry me through and I chose to not let our attackers WIN. So, from that day forward we resumed our daily routines, I finalized and put finishing touches on our wedding day. At night when he was tucked in tight, I would watch the news. I would follow endless stories of missing loved ones and listen to the President speak as if he were speaking directly to me in my living room. It wasn’t over.

It’s still not over. When you say Sept 11^th, you feel it, you think about it, to relive it. It is etched in our minds forever. They say “NEVER FORGET” but in all honesty how could you? It’s a day 12 years ago that changed a piece of us forever. It’s a day that made us doubt who we were as a nation and it’s a day that made us believe in who we were. We stood together loving each other and in full support of our red, white and blue.

It was the day we were attacked and our loved ones were murdered, it’s a day that I hope our children never have to see a duplicate of but it’s also a day that reminds me of the love, sacrifice, commitment, bravery, empathy, courage, kindness, dedication and hope that we are ALL capable of.

Today is a remembrance for those we lost on that terrifying day, may they rest in peace. May their families know they are still thought about and know they are not forgotten.  Today is a reminder that our lives can change in an instant and the things that you take for granted someone else is praying for.