Common Core Insanity. Tis the season to TEST

As, I scrolled through Facebook this morning ALL I saw was “Common Core”.  It was parents complaining, opting out or wishing their kids luck. It was teachers pleading that their efforts and competence not be measured by these tests.  It’s that time of year I guess but really is all this hype necessary. 

Why are we putting so much time, effort and stress on these tests, on our children and on our teachers?Isn’t it just a test? Since when are elementary/middle school children so stressed about a test that they make themselves physically sick over it. Why are they so stressed about it? What’s the big deal? Let it be another day, let them get a good night’s sleep, eat a good breakfast and send them on their way to take the damn test. Is there any other discussion that needs to happen besides “You are having a test today” because I feel the more we discuss it the more they will stress about it. The more we complain about it the more they will react to it.  Let them do their best, maybe they suck at taking tests or maybe they are great test takers either way, does that score define who they are or their individual intelligence?  These test scores do not tell the story of what kind of student they are or will become. 

Opting out, why is that even an option? Does that help the children? Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, even if we are stressed out. However, again it’s really hard for me to understand why and how kids become so “stressed” about these tests, unless it’s the adults that are making them feel this way.  My son has Kindergarten Screening coming up, should I opt out of it because I know he’s scared to go into a room with 4 unfamiliar teachers for an assessment while I wait in the hallway? Should I opt out because I know he will be scared and I don’t want his scores to be low? C’mon really?  As they grow they just can’t “opt out” of doing things, so why is opting out of these tests even a choice?

I am not an educator. I do not pretend to know how things have changed for teachers as they adapt to “Common Core”.  As a parent I want there to be state guidelines for teachers to follow. I want to know that there are general expectations and standards to follow within the curriculum. However, I also feel these standards should be free of any mandates that tell teachers how to teach because there are many ways to be a good teacher, not just one.  I also believe that you cannot judge teachers based solely on test scores. You can of course if you assume all children come to school with the same abilities and intelligence level. If they have the same educational resources available to them and return home to the same support systems.  However, we all know this is not the case and that every child is different, therefore the test scores can no way determine the competence or credibility of your child’s teacher. 

I have blogged about Teachers before, actually at the end of last school year. 

                Old Link    http://beingjmarts.blogspot.com/2013/05/thank-you-teachers_24.html 

 I believe teachers do so much for our children and often are not recognized enough. They spend so much time with our children and influence them in many ways that are not inside any text book. 

I am just an average Mom speaking my opinions. I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of “Common Core”.  I however, will not let test taking consume my children, I will not let them opt out because their nervous or I’m afraid they won’t score well and I definitely won’t let it change my opinions of great teachers based on their test scores.

How My Son Stole My Dad's Birthday

It was January 25, 1999. I reported to the Woman’s Hospital at 730am as instructed to be induced.  I was HUGE. My stomach, my face, my, feet, my fingers, my everything huge…I was full of water, blood pressure was creeping and I was told this baby was BIG. I needed to be induced because my doctor was afraid I was not going to be able to get him out if she just let me just wait it out another week or 2. It was exciting, scary and it was  January 25^th my Dad’s Birthday. I was 23 years old and this was my first baby. The hospital started things right away, I thought for sure I’d have a baby by the end of the day. I was on the fence if I wanted that or wanted them to share a birthday. It would be really cool but I also thought I wanted my boy to have his OWN day.

Well, to my surprise he did get his own day. He was born 2 days later, 2 long, sleep deprived and painful days. On January 27, 1999 at 8:36pm. I was in active labor for 36 hours and then had a c-section because no matter what I did he was not budging. (later I found out the cord was wrapped around his neck twice)  He was 8lbs 8oz and 20inches long. He had huge feet, long fingers and was all legs.

The records might say they don’t share a birthday but THEY do. My Dad’s running joke was that “Trevor stole his birthday” He always said that. Their birthdays are 2 days apart but many times we had cake for both of them at the same time or gave my Dad his own cake at the “kids” birthday party. I think my Dad enjoyed it or he wouldn’t have gone to all those kids birthday parties that were on HIS actual birthday because that was the good “Saturday” to have it on.

He wouldn’t have worn the BRIGHT yellow SpongeBob t-shirt to match Trevor on HIS 44^th birthday and he wouldn’t have hired a clown and sat through the show on HIS 45^th birthday, and he wouldn’t have gone bowling more times than he ever really wanted to on HIS birthday. He was a man of little words unless he was picking on you or teasing you, that was just his way. So if this boy hadn’t “stole” his birthday he would of spent his birthday at home, having a beer and eating a Carvel Ice-cream cake but instead he spent his last 12 birthdays celebrating with an amazing boy, his Grandson, who will always be known for stealing his Pop’s birthday!

This will be Trevor’s 3^rd Birthday celebrating without my Dad as his birthday sidekick giving him a hard time teasing him relentlessly. My Dad loved Trevor and was extremely proud of him, although as I said he was a man of few words when it came to things like that. After my Dad passed we met so many people at his service that we had never met before. They knew so much about this kid, from his name, to his grades and the sports he played. They all told Trevor how much my Dad talked about him and how proud he was of his Grandson. I’m so glad Trevor will always know and have that to carry in his heart.

Happy Birthday in Heaven Daddy. I love and miss you every day.  We will be thinking of you as we Celebrate Boneheads 15^th Birthday!!

In The House of JMarts start of 2014

So, the New Year has started. I ask myself how I can I make this year even better than 2013? I accomplished so much in 2013. As most of you all know I started this blog page to heal through sharing, a little humor and of course writing. I can say it took me 9 months of last year working from the inside out to actually feel like my old self. I have changed. I have changed in ways that may not be visible to some or even noticeable at all to people who do not know me well. I feel it and I feel good. I am not going to live my life worrying about others, competing with others or pleasing others.

It's my life and it's my journey. I don't care how long it takes me to be where I need to be, I know I will get there.

In the past year, I have come to have such an understanding that life is what you make it. The happiness you have or don't have in your life is on you. You need to stand for what you believe in, have the confidence and strength to move on from the things that weigh you down. I have learned the hard way that life is a gift, time is never guaranteed. It's about now, the time is now. If you LOVE someone make sure they know how much. Forgive those you love and move on. Take pictures, Lord knows how many pictures I take of my children, family and friends all the time. I capture everything because you never know if you or they will be there the next time. It doesn't matter if your parents are in their 30's or if they are in their 80's tell them and more importantly show them how much you love them because everyday you don't is a day you can't get back and you never know when their or your last day will be. This rule applies to anyone that  you love. When someone you love dies you do not want to be filled with regrets, the what ifs or the if I only. When it's your time to leave you don't want to leave the ones you LOVE questioning your love. 

As I set my eyes upon 2014, I have a full appreciation of this life I was given but that does not mean I like you don't often wish for more, however you have to step back and really figure out what's important to you today in this moment in the life you are living right now. 

I have GOALS for 2014 and I think they are attainable.  I just read my 2nd blog entry from when I started this and it was my Resolution List... Let's see how I did-

"New Year's 2012 My Resolutions for 2013
This is it....the last day of the worst year of my life. I am determined to make peace and get my life back. I will not make HUGE resolutions because I like most everyone( even though they won't admit it) FAIL after about 2-3 weeks. 

I have decided to make a list of 5 Things that I can do:

1. Let's not get any fatter! Every woman on January 1st says "I'm going to lose weight" most of us don't and then the following New Year's Eve we are 10 lbs heavier. So next year I will either be the same or have lost but will not be any fatter!!! Hey, sounds good. 
2. Make time for me to get back to exercise. Yes, Hubby and I are joining a Gym. Hmmm the ultimate New Year's resolution and so cliche.......but whatever
3. Delegate more- I have a Husband, teenager and a toddler. They can all do something around here....yes, even the 3 year old. I will do the same at the office. I do not need to do everything everywhere!! I will have a hard time with this because I like things a certain way but I will have to let go which brings me to #4
4. Letting go....Let go of things I can't change and focus on what I can.
5. Be on time. Yes, if "running" late was exercise I would not even need my #1. I am always LATE! "                  

So, I got 4 out of 5. If you know me, yup you guessed it, the BIG OLE FAIL on #5!!! But hell, I didn't get any fatter, I actually lost 20lbs. We did join a gym which was cliche and so is my excuse as to why I stopped going but WTF, with the kids and my work schedule it's near impossible to get there. However, it's not a fail because I kept moving, walking. It counts as something and still better than nothing. Delegate, yup that's a big check check. Letting go, well that's why I feel so good. 
  

This year my main goal is to find my body again. I worked this body from the inside out, head to toe and now I need to FINISH this job!!!! 

Elf Shenanigans In the House of JMarts 2013

and.......he's back!!

Don't try to be a SUPERMOM. Be a REAL MOM.

The getting yourself out of bed, dragging yourself to bathroom, getting your wobbling not yet awake legs to take you down the stairs, for hugs, sometimes tears, pouring cereal, lunch making, coffee brewing, let’s get out the door kind of morning going. Looking in the mirror one last time before you walk out the door and you don’t see it anymore, it’s gone; there just isn’t any sparkle in your eyes today. It’s just YOU, their Mom. But, it’s You, you are in there. It’s YOU giving of yourself all the time to someone else, minute, by minute, day by day to the lives you have created. It may not be glamorous but being their Mom is sometimes the only thing that makes sense.   

We tend to give our children more than we had or treat them “better” than we were treated, or take them places we always wanted to go as a child but didn’t. Society makes us think that being a good Mom means fancy vacations, fancy toys or clothes and the things that truly make a good Mom gets lost.  It’s the simple things that really matter.  It’s the daily non-glamorous tedious routines that remind us what being a MOM is all about.

It’s the small moments that can’t be explained or told on “Facebook". It’s about all the things you do as a Mom that no one else can see. It’s their smile, their giggle and they way they look at you.  It’s still feeling joy, even while going through some of your darkest days.  It’s the innocence and sweetness of a 4yo when he crawls into bed with you for snuggles and you’re still half asleep and you feel him rub your cheek and whisper “I Love you Mommy”. It’s stopping what you are doing to read your teenagers paper because he just finished it and he wants to share it with you.  It’s about snuggling with a blanket in pajamas and reading to your toddler. It’s putting your phone down and taking 20 minutes to play Candyland. It’s a hug from your teenager without having to ask. It’s being patient, letting things go and not sweating the small stuff.  It’s just about being there doing Mom things.  

You are their Mom that’s all they know and that’s all they need to know.   They don’t see you standing there in the mirror wondering where “she” went.  They don’t see you scrambling to get things done sometimes without much help. They don’t see you rushing from work to make sure everyone is picked up or where they need to be on time. They don’t see you checking your bank account wondering how you’re going to play “Santa”. They don’t see you looking at empty cupboards and wondering when you will have time to get to the grocery store or what you’re going to piece together for dinner. They don’t see what you go without so they have what they need. They don’t see you worrying when they go out with friends. They don’t see your sadness when you know they are struggling.  They don’t see the extra kisses you give them or that one last glance after they are fast asleep. 

 

Those are the things that really matter.

Don't try to be a SUPERMOM.  Be a REAL MOM. A Mom who sometimes feels lost and is not afraid to admit it. Be a BRAVE Mom. A Mom who even when she’s tired or scared keeps fighting. 

Just be their MOM!