"The Hat"

You have to believe in certain things. You have to believe, to keep yourself from thinking you’re crazy. You have to believe that the people you lost but loved the most are always with you especially when you need them the most.  So many, too many things have happened since my Dad passed that makes me believe is he is beside me and watching over not only me but my family.

  I have told the stories before, (for my new page followers this is a brief recap) that my youngest son was 2yo when my father passed away suddenly. He is now almost 5years old.  He randomly asks questions, says things and remembers facts/ details that no 2year old would ever remember. He does and says these things mostly when it’s just him and I. There have been a few occasions when my Husband, older son or my Mom have been around that he blurts something out. Like most recently, last week we were all in the car and he randomly says “I Miss Pop” and says a few random things about heaven.  The week before that I was driving my older son to practice and we hear from the backseat as we pass a cemetery “Is that where Pop’s rock is, Can we see Pop”…… my older son just stares at me, waiting for me to say something.  

So, this morning. I am finishing getting things ready to head out the door and he comes up to me with a visor he found in the bottom of my bedroom closet upstairs. 

His exact words were (4yo):  “this reminds me of that hat Pop had for driving but without a top on it” (as he is using his hands to pretend to drive.)

Me: What was he driving?  

4yo: A boat, you know when I would wear the life jacket, Hey I wonder if that life jacket still fits me, I might need a new one. 

I bring him to the downstairs coat closet and find my Dad’s hat that my Mother had given me to keep. I pull it out….

Me: Is this the hat you mean?

4yo: Yes, that’s it, (his eye light up big as saucers). He takes the hat; he puts it on his head.

Me: You can wear it if you want

4yo: No, I need you to put this back right where it was. I will wear it tomorrow and I think I am going to need a new life jacket.

Me: Ok, when we go to camp, we will try on your life jacket and see if it fits.

That was it. He changed the subject and we went to school. 

The way I have been feeling lately I have to say the timing could not have been more perfect. He’s still with me and he’s apparently telling Tanner it’s time to get a new life jacket this year...... Camp/Safety tips from Heaven. 

My Dad was a man of few words; but just like when he was here, he knows when to speak up, when I need him most and this morning was no exception.  

Always Believe.

What kind of Mom am I?

What kind of Mother am I?

            I am a in your face, honest, their biggest fan, encouraging, lovable, helping hand just let me take one more picture of you kind of Mother.  I LOVE my boys more than life, would do anything for them and I do.

I wake up every morning with them yes even the teenager. I make him his lunch and breakfast while  he gets ready for school. We chat about what’s in store for that day, I always ask him “Do you have everything you need” and off he goes. Then it’s round 2 with the 4yo more of struggle and definitely not as easy right now but we’ll get there. The evening is much of the same, pickups, practices, games, dinner, bath, stories, homework, the same routines and rituals.

Most everything I do on a daily basis is for them. I know I do a lot for my children but I try to keep it a balance as well to ensure they learn to do for themselves. The media is all about we "do too much for our kids" and while  I may make certain things cushy for them, you can be sure when they go off to college they will know how to take care of themselves.

But for now, I will enjoy them. I will do for them, encourage them, teach them, take care of them, spoil them and most of all LOVE them.  I will make my child’s plate for dinner not because he's incapable but because I want to. I will do his laundry and wash his uniforms, not because he 's incapable of using the washing machine but because he works his ass off every day from 7 am to 9pm at night with school, gym, practice, games and then homework. I am his Mom and I want to do this for him.  I will probably make his breakfast every day before school until he leaves the house because I want to. I get up before 7am with my lil guy because I want to and I don’t want him to fend for himself on Saturday morning.  I love taking care of them, doing things for them and being their Mom.  I am not embarrassed and I do not feel it is making them any less of a “man”.  They are my children and it’s my job to teach them and guide them to be independent successful men but it’s also my job to care for them.  I only have so much time allotted to take care of them before they are out on their own, forced into the real world like us, wishing they had someone to take care of them or help them. So for now I will keep caring and doing for them because I WANT TO.

Some may think I do too much but I am just being their Mom and I am just being me. The greatest part of my life is being their Mom.  They are great boys.  They appreciate all I do for them. It shows in their actions or from them just saying “Thank you” to me.  They both LOVE me back just as much. The 15yo still gives me a hug before he leaves for school and before he goes to bed EVERY DAY.  There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t tell me he loves me.  I think that’s a miracle and something to be super proud of as a Mom of a teenager.  The 4yo is just obsessed with anything Momma right now but I think it still counts and hope he follows his brother’s lead on how to treat your mother. 

So when the time comes and it’s time for them to take care of me not because I’m incapable but because they want to help their aging Mom, I will think I have taught them well.

Common Core Insanity. Tis the season to TEST

As, I scrolled through Facebook this morning ALL I saw was “Common Core”.  It was parents complaining, opting out or wishing their kids luck. It was teachers pleading that their efforts and competence not be measured by these tests.  It’s that time of year I guess but really is all this hype necessary. 

Why are we putting so much time, effort and stress on these tests, on our children and on our teachers?Isn’t it just a test? Since when are elementary/middle school children so stressed about a test that they make themselves physically sick over it. Why are they so stressed about it? What’s the big deal? Let it be another day, let them get a good night’s sleep, eat a good breakfast and send them on their way to take the damn test. Is there any other discussion that needs to happen besides “You are having a test today” because I feel the more we discuss it the more they will stress about it. The more we complain about it the more they will react to it.  Let them do their best, maybe they suck at taking tests or maybe they are great test takers either way, does that score define who they are or their individual intelligence?  These test scores do not tell the story of what kind of student they are or will become. 

Opting out, why is that even an option? Does that help the children? Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, even if we are stressed out. However, again it’s really hard for me to understand why and how kids become so “stressed” about these tests, unless it’s the adults that are making them feel this way.  My son has Kindergarten Screening coming up, should I opt out of it because I know he’s scared to go into a room with 4 unfamiliar teachers for an assessment while I wait in the hallway? Should I opt out because I know he will be scared and I don’t want his scores to be low? C’mon really?  As they grow they just can’t “opt out” of doing things, so why is opting out of these tests even a choice?

I am not an educator. I do not pretend to know how things have changed for teachers as they adapt to “Common Core”.  As a parent I want there to be state guidelines for teachers to follow. I want to know that there are general expectations and standards to follow within the curriculum. However, I also feel these standards should be free of any mandates that tell teachers how to teach because there are many ways to be a good teacher, not just one.  I also believe that you cannot judge teachers based solely on test scores. You can of course if you assume all children come to school with the same abilities and intelligence level. If they have the same educational resources available to them and return home to the same support systems.  However, we all know this is not the case and that every child is different, therefore the test scores can no way determine the competence or credibility of your child’s teacher. 

I have blogged about Teachers before, actually at the end of last school year. 

                Old Link    http://beingjmarts.blogspot.com/2013/05/thank-you-teachers_24.html 

 I believe teachers do so much for our children and often are not recognized enough. They spend so much time with our children and influence them in many ways that are not inside any text book. 

I am just an average Mom speaking my opinions. I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of “Common Core”.  I however, will not let test taking consume my children, I will not let them opt out because their nervous or I’m afraid they won’t score well and I definitely won’t let it change my opinions of great teachers based on their test scores.

How My Son Stole My Dad's Birthday

It was January 25, 1999. I reported to the Woman’s Hospital at 730am as instructed to be induced.  I was HUGE. My stomach, my face, my, feet, my fingers, my everything huge…I was full of water, blood pressure was creeping and I was told this baby was BIG. I needed to be induced because my doctor was afraid I was not going to be able to get him out if she just let me just wait it out another week or 2. It was exciting, scary and it was  January 25^th my Dad’s Birthday. I was 23 years old and this was my first baby. The hospital started things right away, I thought for sure I’d have a baby by the end of the day. I was on the fence if I wanted that or wanted them to share a birthday. It would be really cool but I also thought I wanted my boy to have his OWN day.

Well, to my surprise he did get his own day. He was born 2 days later, 2 long, sleep deprived and painful days. On January 27, 1999 at 8:36pm. I was in active labor for 36 hours and then had a c-section because no matter what I did he was not budging. (later I found out the cord was wrapped around his neck twice)  He was 8lbs 8oz and 20inches long. He had huge feet, long fingers and was all legs.

The records might say they don’t share a birthday but THEY do. My Dad’s running joke was that “Trevor stole his birthday” He always said that. Their birthdays are 2 days apart but many times we had cake for both of them at the same time or gave my Dad his own cake at the “kids” birthday party. I think my Dad enjoyed it or he wouldn’t have gone to all those kids birthday parties that were on HIS actual birthday because that was the good “Saturday” to have it on.

He wouldn’t have worn the BRIGHT yellow SpongeBob t-shirt to match Trevor on HIS 44^th birthday and he wouldn’t have hired a clown and sat through the show on HIS 45^th birthday, and he wouldn’t have gone bowling more times than he ever really wanted to on HIS birthday. He was a man of little words unless he was picking on you or teasing you, that was just his way. So if this boy hadn’t “stole” his birthday he would of spent his birthday at home, having a beer and eating a Carvel Ice-cream cake but instead he spent his last 12 birthdays celebrating with an amazing boy, his Grandson, who will always be known for stealing his Pop’s birthday!

This will be Trevor’s 3^rd Birthday celebrating without my Dad as his birthday sidekick giving him a hard time teasing him relentlessly. My Dad loved Trevor and was extremely proud of him, although as I said he was a man of few words when it came to things like that. After my Dad passed we met so many people at his service that we had never met before. They knew so much about this kid, from his name, to his grades and the sports he played. They all told Trevor how much my Dad talked about him and how proud he was of his Grandson. I’m so glad Trevor will always know and have that to carry in his heart.

Happy Birthday in Heaven Daddy. I love and miss you every day.  We will be thinking of you as we Celebrate Boneheads 15^th Birthday!!

In The House of JMarts start of 2014

So, the New Year has started. I ask myself how I can I make this year even better than 2013? I accomplished so much in 2013. As most of you all know I started this blog page to heal through sharing, a little humor and of course writing. I can say it took me 9 months of last year working from the inside out to actually feel like my old self. I have changed. I have changed in ways that may not be visible to some or even noticeable at all to people who do not know me well. I feel it and I feel good. I am not going to live my life worrying about others, competing with others or pleasing others.

It's my life and it's my journey. I don't care how long it takes me to be where I need to be, I know I will get there.

In the past year, I have come to have such an understanding that life is what you make it. The happiness you have or don't have in your life is on you. You need to stand for what you believe in, have the confidence and strength to move on from the things that weigh you down. I have learned the hard way that life is a gift, time is never guaranteed. It's about now, the time is now. If you LOVE someone make sure they know how much. Forgive those you love and move on. Take pictures, Lord knows how many pictures I take of my children, family and friends all the time. I capture everything because you never know if you or they will be there the next time. It doesn't matter if your parents are in their 30's or if they are in their 80's tell them and more importantly show them how much you love them because everyday you don't is a day you can't get back and you never know when their or your last day will be. This rule applies to anyone that  you love. When someone you love dies you do not want to be filled with regrets, the what ifs or the if I only. When it's your time to leave you don't want to leave the ones you LOVE questioning your love. 

As I set my eyes upon 2014, I have a full appreciation of this life I was given but that does not mean I like you don't often wish for more, however you have to step back and really figure out what's important to you today in this moment in the life you are living right now. 

I have GOALS for 2014 and I think they are attainable.  I just read my 2nd blog entry from when I started this and it was my Resolution List... Let's see how I did-

"New Year's 2012 My Resolutions for 2013
This is it....the last day of the worst year of my life. I am determined to make peace and get my life back. I will not make HUGE resolutions because I like most everyone( even though they won't admit it) FAIL after about 2-3 weeks. 

I have decided to make a list of 5 Things that I can do:

1. Let's not get any fatter! Every woman on January 1st says "I'm going to lose weight" most of us don't and then the following New Year's Eve we are 10 lbs heavier. So next year I will either be the same or have lost but will not be any fatter!!! Hey, sounds good. 
2. Make time for me to get back to exercise. Yes, Hubby and I are joining a Gym. Hmmm the ultimate New Year's resolution and so cliche.......but whatever
3. Delegate more- I have a Husband, teenager and a toddler. They can all do something around here....yes, even the 3 year old. I will do the same at the office. I do not need to do everything everywhere!! I will have a hard time with this because I like things a certain way but I will have to let go which brings me to #4
4. Letting go....Let go of things I can't change and focus on what I can.
5. Be on time. Yes, if "running" late was exercise I would not even need my #1. I am always LATE! "                  

So, I got 4 out of 5. If you know me, yup you guessed it, the BIG OLE FAIL on #5!!! But hell, I didn't get any fatter, I actually lost 20lbs. We did join a gym which was cliche and so is my excuse as to why I stopped going but WTF, with the kids and my work schedule it's near impossible to get there. However, it's not a fail because I kept moving, walking. It counts as something and still better than nothing. Delegate, yup that's a big check check. Letting go, well that's why I feel so good. 
  

This year my main goal is to find my body again. I worked this body from the inside out, head to toe and now I need to FINISH this job!!!!