My Best Friend's Suicide

Twenty years ago today August 6, 1993, 4 weeks before my Senior Year was going to begin my best friend passed away. She decided on July 17, 1993 to end her life. She swallowed pills, was in a coma and slowly slipped away from us over the next 3 weeks.  

I was 17 years old. It’s a time of my life that I will never forget. I will never forget the pain and I will never forget the love and support that I received from my family, my friends and my long time high school boyfriend.  It’s tough enough being a teenager nonetheless dealing with such a tragic loss. 

We were so much alike. We were crazy and we would laugh, I just remember ALWAYS laughing. We did things we were not suppose to and never got caught. We spent so many days on the River, swimming, boating and jet skiing. We would just always hang out.  She was always at my house. She was always welcome. She would come to our family camp with us on the weekends. We did everything together for all of our high school years. Her family moved during our Junior year and it was so sad although she was only living 40 minutes away so we could manage. We talked on the phone almost every day and my boyfriend and I would go see her sometimes on the weekends. 

It was July 17^th and she called, she was crying. She hated it there, her boyfriend dumped her and she wanted us to come and get her for the weekend. She was crying but we couldn’t go and get her. My family was at our camp and my boyfriend and I had a family obligation with his family. I calmed her down and said maybe we could come and pick her up the following day. The following day never came; she took all those pills that night. That guilt consumed me for so long. Sometimes I think it still does. If we had only gone and picked her up right then? If I done this? If I had done that? I felt like it was my fault. I felt so ashamed for not being the friend she thought I was and letting her down. How she must have felt….to take all of those pills. It was a lot to understand and analyze at 17. 

I never forgot her. I never will. I still visit her grave, I went this summer actually. I know we would still be friends if she were here today; it was just one of those friendships. 

Lisa Michelle Kuttner…… She lives in my heart always.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 

 http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/suicide/MH00048

 

 

"Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?