JMARTS Top 10 TODDLER LIES!

From the minute my kids could understand the concept, I have taught them not to LIE. I do not lie! Even if I wanted to lie, I cannot lie! I am a horrible liar. So, I tell the truth whether it is good or bad I will spill it like that….doesn’t always work out they way I think it should because too many people can’t handle the truth!

I was thinking the other day, as I was lying to my 3 year old. WOW, how many lies do I tell this kid…..yeah they are “parental white lies”, but hell I am blatantly lying to this kids face on a daily basis!

JMARTS Top 10 TODDLER LIES! (In no particular order)

1.       We don’t have any more batteries right now.

Truth: Um, yeah we do but I hate that toy and the noise it makes or we do but I really don’t feel like going out to the garage to find the tiny “eyeglass” screwdriver to try and take the tiny ass stripped screw out to replace the batteries right now.

2.       Are we there?

Soon. We will be there before you know it. 

TRUTH: We just pulled out of the fucking driveway and it’s going to be 4 hours of HELL!

3.       I’m sorry little dude my cell phone is dead.

TRUTH: I actually just charged it. But you my little man are addicted to “Subway Surfers” and while you are sucking all the juice out of my cell phone I cannot use it.

4.       We will do that tomorrow or later

TRUTH: Well, if you remember which I hope you don’t, we will do it tomorrow.

5.       They are all gone

TRUTH: No, you can’t have anymore fruit snacks, if you eat another fruit snack your teeth are going to fall out, ooops that’s another lie, change that to you will get a cavity and you do not need any more sugar or to talk anymore than you already do.

6.       Mommy forgot the cord to plug in the iPod in the car

TRUTH: The cord is in my purse, which I hide as I lie, but I really do not want to BLAST Jason Aldean at this very moment and listen to the same song for the half hour ride to/from school.

7.       He’s going to beat you upstairs and into pajamas……. Ah you won!!

TRUTH: There is no way you could win. Your brother has long ass legs and can make it up the stairs by taking only 2 steps. He is 14 and can change into pajamas in seconds.

8.       Those silly boogs like you and want to stay

TRUTH: Silly, more like disgusting. That dried up booger won’t come out and I can’t stand the way your voice sounds and how you look eating with that stuck in your nose. Now blow harder damn it! We’ll get it.

9.       If you don’t drink your milk you won’t grow up big like your brother.

TRUTH: Um, yeah you are going to grow whether you drink it or not. Have you seen your brother, he’s 6’3 there is a big chance here that you will grow a lot.

10.   Let me help you

TRUTH: That mostly means “Just let me do it”. I am late. We have to GO and we have to go now.

When will the lies end? Maybe after St. Patrick’s Day and post the Leprechaun visit!!!

LIES, LIES, LIES I can’t stop!!!!!!!!!!!

Valentine's Day

February 14, 2000, the man I loved while holding our first born son who had just turned a year old, handed me a little box. In this box was a ring and a tiny piece of paper (like that from a fortune cookie) that read “Trevor and I want to be with you FOREVER”, then he asked me to Marry Him. So cliché, getting engaged on Valentine’s Day! Well let me tell you nothing is “cliché” about Steve and I.

We did everything ASS backwards. First of all I met Steve when I was 19 years old and I was still dating my high school boyfriend, who slashed Steve’s tires and keyed his car. He was technically still with his College girlfriend and we burned her pictures on his parent’s front steps once. Why I have no idea, probably my crazy ass idea!!! Oh and he was also hanging w some random chick from work who I stole him away from and in return she tormented me for weeks and then finally punched me in the face.  

The night of our first date (1995), was a disaster, it was a big snow storm and it was my sister’s birthday.  My Mom was yelling at me to stay …and I was just trying to high tale it out of there before my Dad came home and really layed down the law….so I made the trek in my lil ole Charger from Stillwater to Colonie to meet him.

We were 2 totally different people, with different backgrounds. I am from the country, grew up camping, fishing, archery, boating, all my friends drove pickup trucks and were hunters.  Our parties were on rivers, sod farms and in corn fields. He was in the marching band, an altar boy and traveling to Europe with his grandparents.  I had a fan in my room as a kid, his family went to a Hotel once because their central air was broken.

Despite the differences, we were in love. A few years went by and hello we’re having a baby. Two years go by, we got hitched.  Then we bought a house moved to a new town and had another baby. ALL ASS BACKWARDS!

We have been through so much together. Good and bad. We have endured things as a couple that many couples never have to go through and if they do don’t make it. We have lived this life together bringing out the best and worst in each other. We have raised our boys by letting the differences in our backgrounds and personality shine through.

We are still very different, I am crazy and spontaneous. He is serious and a planner.  I am fun and he is reserved. I see the positive in things and he dwells on the negative. He drinks beer and I drink wine. He loves to eat and I always want to be on a diet. He likes to sit around I always have to be doing something.

He has taught me about ALL SPORTS, Church, RUSH, SU and Jim Boeheim, NCAA brackets, “guy” sensitivity, forgiveness and how to love someone unconditionally.

I have taught him about country music, boating, camping, toughness, what it’s like to have a dog as part of your family, communication skills, Nascar and letting loose just for the FUN of it!

We may be different but what keeps us together is what we have in common.  Our LOVE for each other and our family. Our common desire to always be the best parents possible. Our love and commitment to our family and friends. Our effort to always help each other and ALWAYS be there for one another no matter what.

  On this Valentine’s Day and every day, I love you Husband.

Yours Truly,

Jackie Joyner- Kersee  (LOL) Not everyone will get that!!!

Things about toddlers that everyone knows about but won’t speak about

Things about toddlers that everyone knows about but won’t speak about.

They are cute, lovable and funny. That’s all we ever hear about.

They are also, dirty, ask to many questions, don’t listen, pee their pants, spill their milk, no longer want to nap, scream, wreck things, change their minds too much, have no patience, ask you to smell their feet, they whine, oh how mine whines, they can’t sit still, they are rough, they touch everything, they are loud, and they yes I will say it again are dirty and full of germs.

If you are the parent of a Toddler you know, it’s challenging but fear saying that out loud. One minute they are making you laugh then in an instant that changes and you have all you can do to keep from pulling your hair out. One minute you’re not allowed to touch them the next they basically want to crawl back in because they need to be THAT close to you. You count down and pray bedtime will just get here already, and then later you give them one last peek before you finally head to dreamland and you can’t believe how cute they are, then the guilt floods in and you can’t wait for them to wake back up so you can snuggle them up.

The thing about Toddlers is they are growing, learning and experiencing many things everyday for the very first time, which when you stop and think about that is pretty amazing. However, that doesn’t make the “bad” toddler days any easier and this is what WILL happen to you

1.       You will be exhausted. I pretty much haven’t slept since 2009. Yeah and that’s not a joke. You are so tired sometimes, but it doesn’t matter, there’s nothing you can do about it. The minute they wake you up they are sucking all your energy out like little vampires.

2.       You will laugh a lot. They are so funny. The things they say, ask and do is hysterical. They are comical and so innocent. They are little people with their own personalities pouring out. They dance, laugh, accidentally swear, imitate things, dress up, want to be big helpers, have imaginary friends and love to sing. They can make you laugh and smile even if it’s not an appropriate time. So as you age and you develop laugh lines, you can remember all the times they made you laugh…..they don’t call them laugh lines for nothing!!

3.       Poor. Yes, you will be poor. Just because you are done with diapers and formula don’t think it’s easier. It’s about this time that the stash of toys are all too babyish, the new clothes you had stashed away have all been worn, they need good walking shoes yet their feet are so fat you have to take them to Stride Rite and spend $60 every other month on extra extra Wide shoes for those fatty yet small feet.  They are just big enough for you to start taking them places, like Bounce Houses, Movies, Shows, Book stores, Dunkin Donuts, Aquariums, Apple Picking, and Zoos and for their first Happy Meal.  You can’t wait to do it…finally they are big enough for these fun days out, but then you realize, OH Shit….there’s the money we’re saving from no more diapers and formula. Then there’s daycare and preschool, we basically have 2 mortgages right now. With the money we spend on childcare and school we could honestly have another house, I pretend sometimes when I write the check that I am paying for a summer home, makes it a little more bearable.

4.       Mad. You will get mad, sooo mad. There are days when you will raise your voice. There will be times when you will put them in their room and tell them not to come out until they can get themselves together. There will be times in the car when you will blast the radio for 5 minutes to drown out their  temper tantrum. There will be times when you wish you could just run away, far far away. You will be mad, they make you mad. The crap about keeping your cool every second and just sitting them down and telling them how their behavior is making you feel… Who wrote that shit , June fucking Cleaver. It’s not Beaver, it’s a toddler who has tested you all day. They need a time out, so do you for that matter and that’s why there is wine! Yes, Drink WINE!

5.       Guilt. All Moms’ feel guilt. You feel guilty for getting mad. You feel guilty because all they want to do is color with you, but you have to get ready for work, and then you feel guilty for working. You feel guilty for scolding them. You feel guilty that they wanted to play in the tub but all you had time for was giving them a quick shower. You feel guilty for leaving them when they are screaming and asking you not to leave. You feel guilty because you need 20 minutes to get something done so you turn on the TV.  You feel guilty for giving in just because you can’t deal with the argument right now.  Mothers have nothing to feel guilty about, hell we gave them life and now they are sucking the life out of us. We do our best. We are only human. We are not failures and we are not alone. We are great Moms.

6.       Love. Love. Love. When you become a Mother, you realize there is no other love that compares. It’s amazing, this little life you created is so beautiful inside and out. Were you ever really happy, because this, being a mother is your happiness.  There is no better love …you just love their little face and there is no one they love more than their MOMMY!  Having them in your life you feel complete and whole. You can’t remember what your life was like before nor can you imagine what you life would be like now if they weren’t in it. You would do anything for them and everything you do is for them. You are a mother and in the grand scheme of things there is no better love than that of a mother and child.

I am sure you won’t find this in “What to Expect, the Toddler Years”, but hell it’s still a good book. What I speak about it real. This shit happens. Having a Toddler is something else and sometimes makes you want your Husband to go get a vasectomy but when they go off to Kindergarten you will look back and say remember when he was toddler, and Oh you will remember, because it’s unforgettable!!!!!!

Brothers

Are you Crazy? Was this planned? OMG, what were you thinking? This is what people said, when they found out I was pregnant and even still when they see/meet us now.  We have a toddler (3) and a teenager (14)

It’s a HUGE difference having 1 child for 10 years and then boom bam here’s a baby. The first one was easy. What would be different this time around? I’ve already done this once, I got this. Hmmmmmm

Well let me tell you the difference ……

I am 10 years older for starters. I work full time. I chose to breastfeed this time and I have another kid.

Having a newborn that won’t sleep and is constantly attached to your nipple while trying to make sure the child you have raised for 10 years as an only child still feels loved is a lot of pressure.  

Then one day, I blatantly realized, and thought to myself that this 10 year old loves this baby just as much as I do.  

So there we were 2 boys, 10 years apart, 2 parents 10 years older than the first time around and we are just going wing it from here.

It’s been 3 years. We have brought this baby now toddler to countless baseball games and endless basketball courts. We have brought him to school functions, band concerts and awards ceremonies. We have brought the teenager to kid shows and pre-school parties. We have done things as a family and we have split up and done things separately. We have had Mom and son days and Dad and son days.

We have 2 boys now that have become brothers regardless of the 10 year difference. We have a toddler who looks at his teenage brother as if he were a super hero. We have a teenager that will let his toddler sit with him and his friends at a Varsity basketball game. We have a toddler who wants to do everything his brother does and a teenager who wants to teach a toddler everything he knows. We have 2 boys 10 years apart that will snuggle on the couch and watch a movie together.  We have a humorous toddler who brings out the laughter in a serious teenager.  We have a toddler who makes my teenager show his “kid” side just a little bit longer. We have a straight laced teenager who will tell a naughty toddler to make better choices. What we have is love, brotherly LOVE.

Are we Crazy? Yes, I think we are that we waited 10 years to give Trevor the gift of being a brother!!

Did we plan this? Yes, perfectly!!

Just Plain Ole Martins

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