JMARTS Top 10 TODDLER LIES!

From the minute my kids could understand the concept, I have taught them not to LIE. I do not lie! Even if I wanted to lie, I cannot lie! I am a horrible liar. So, I tell the truth whether it is good or bad I will spill it like that….doesn’t always work out they way I think it should because too many people can’t handle the truth!

I was thinking the other day, as I was lying to my 3 year old. WOW, how many lies do I tell this kid…..yeah they are “parental white lies”, but hell I am blatantly lying to this kids face on a daily basis!

JMARTS Top 10 TODDLER LIES! (In no particular order)

1.       We don’t have any more batteries right now.

Truth: Um, yeah we do but I hate that toy and the noise it makes or we do but I really don’t feel like going out to the garage to find the tiny “eyeglass” screwdriver to try and take the tiny ass stripped screw out to replace the batteries right now.

2.       Are we there?

Soon. We will be there before you know it. 

TRUTH: We just pulled out of the fucking driveway and it’s going to be 4 hours of HELL!

3.       I’m sorry little dude my cell phone is dead.

TRUTH: I actually just charged it. But you my little man are addicted to “Subway Surfers” and while you are sucking all the juice out of my cell phone I cannot use it.

4.       We will do that tomorrow or later

TRUTH: Well, if you remember which I hope you don’t, we will do it tomorrow.

5.       They are all gone

TRUTH: No, you can’t have anymore fruit snacks, if you eat another fruit snack your teeth are going to fall out, ooops that’s another lie, change that to you will get a cavity and you do not need any more sugar or to talk anymore than you already do.

6.       Mommy forgot the cord to plug in the iPod in the car

TRUTH: The cord is in my purse, which I hide as I lie, but I really do not want to BLAST Jason Aldean at this very moment and listen to the same song for the half hour ride to/from school.

7.       He’s going to beat you upstairs and into pajamas……. Ah you won!!

TRUTH: There is no way you could win. Your brother has long ass legs and can make it up the stairs by taking only 2 steps. He is 14 and can change into pajamas in seconds.

8.       Those silly boogs like you and want to stay

TRUTH: Silly, more like disgusting. That dried up booger won’t come out and I can’t stand the way your voice sounds and how you look eating with that stuck in your nose. Now blow harder damn it! We’ll get it.

9.       If you don’t drink your milk you won’t grow up big like your brother.

TRUTH: Um, yeah you are going to grow whether you drink it or not. Have you seen your brother, he’s 6’3 there is a big chance here that you will grow a lot.

10.   Let me help you

TRUTH: That mostly means “Just let me do it”. I am late. We have to GO and we have to go now.

When will the lies end? Maybe after St. Patrick’s Day and post the Leprechaun visit!!!

LIES, LIES, LIES I can’t stop!!!!!!!!!!!