Confidence....

As I pinned my hair back in the mirror a little bit ago, I saw about what is now up to 10 gray hairs. This feeling came over me like; it was the worst thing possible. So vain and petty, yes I know!  Snap out of it, I keep telling myself as I walk back to me desk.  I then googled gray hair, why I have no fucking idea, for a cure I guess! 

Then I literally started thinking about all the other crap I worry about on a daily basis, well I shouldn’t say “WORRY” more like think about. The extra pounds I carry around, the wide feet I have that prevents me from wearing shoes that are actually trendy, the big tits that dent  in my shoulders most days, the uni brow I have to constantly keep up, and now a few gray hairs. 

Then I am like, WTF is wrong with you! You do not get wrapped up in this type of nonsense. You are confident you always have been. You are sexy because you are wearing your sexy underwear today, remember JMArts? So I listen to that voice in my head and if I chose that pair of underwear out of my drawer this morning over all the granny comfy Mom panties that are in there then, I must have felt good this morning, so no gray hair is going to ruin your today!

I am confident but not cocky. I am confident in ME, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a few insecurities! My confidence has and always will come from within because I know who I am. Who I am is not defined by numbers on a scale, my uni brow, how many gray hairs I have, or what shoes I can fit my wide baby feet in. I am lucky to know who I am. I will and do not ever compare myself to others. I honestly never wanted to be anyone but me, and I honestly have never ever cared what other people thought of me. I am me and I will never pretend to be something I am not! I wish more women could find this same confidence and rid themselves of the nonsense that consumes them. It all starts from within, once you find that confidence and light that fire!!

 I have been all sizes and now all I want to be is healthy, not a size.  I am 37 years old, I do not need to look like the person I was years ago because I am NOT that person. I just want to drop some pounds, feel a little better and be healthier.  Am I saying I am fine with being overweight? No, I’m not or I wouldn’t forever be on the struggle to rid myself from it. However, I am fine with being JMarts, a wife, a FABULOUS mother, a devoted daughter, a trusting/loyal friend, hilarious, crazy wine drinking some of a gun!