Making it....

I have so much to say about this and I don’t even know how to begin. I have so many thoughts on it and I don’t want to sound like I am judgmental or stereo typing because I do not have a prejudice bone in my body.  So I will just say it, JMarts style, might be a little flowy, involve some swearing and you might not like it. But hell my girlfriend just reminded me it was MY blog. She is right, these are my thoughts and I don’t ever ask or expect that we all agree just respect that we all have our own opinions. This is mine. 

So it began, another weekend of AAU basketball.  Our son is playing, he is 14 years old and in 8^thgrade. All of the teams we play are also 14 and in 8^th grade.  If you are not familiar, AAU stands for Amateur Athletic Union.  It’s more competitive and I think AAU is important because it allows you to step out of your comfort zone. It allows you to play with and against some the best players at your age and grade level. What I witnessed last weekend at one of the games and then the conversation about it with 2 of my girlfriends after has still been on my mind. 

It’s a Sunday morning. We are ready for another day of basketball.  We are all standing there around the court waiting for the game before us to end so the boys can take the court and warm up. The other team is also arriving. By arriving, I mean arriving! They are all coming in with their scuffing feet and they aren't even talking to each other. They are acting like they don’t even know each other. Their team has way too many kids on it. The Coach arrives. He is a mix between P Diddy and Will.I.Am. He’s got swag, way too much of it. I think their arrival was enough to get in our kids heads, because secretly they sure were in mine. 

The game starts. Within the first few minutes, I realize this is not going to be good.  They are rough; they are mean they are already talking smack. We’ve been playing for 2 minutes and my son already has a foul and has been “warned” along with a boy from their team.  My son is not the type of player that gets “warned”! He is a good player and he is a CLEAN player!  We quickly realize why they have so many boys on the team, because they foul constantly and it doesn't matter because they never have to worry about foul trouble because all the kids are equally as good. The kids can shoot, they can dribble, they are good, but they are playing street ball not organized basketball. They are good  players but they act like little punks in a gang and What about sportsmanship?  The Coach kept his sunglasses on the entire game while screaming at them even though they played well and were eventually up by 30. The refs had to warn several of their kids to keep their hands off and just play basketball. One of the kids was being such a punk and giving the ref a hard time while staring him down. Really? Respect, any? The ref literally said “I just told you keep your hands to yourself, now quit looking at me” We lost the game. It was our first loss. 

I have no problem losing to a better team, kids that are more athletic, a team with more talent, a team that came to play BASKETBALL. What I have a problem with is their demeanor, their lack of sportsmanship and respect, their inability to make the switch from playing street ball to playing AAU Basketball that has rules set and that need to be followed.

I could go on about every nonsense detail of the game but I think you get the point. I am over the game. You win some, you lose some of course!  Whatever! What I am not over however is…those kids, those boys. Those boys that I told my girlfriends were punk assholes. They are 14!!! How can I say that? I tell myself I should feel bad for saying that?  They are kids, just like my boy.

 Then I start thinking …..…How do you turn into a punk asshole at 14? 

I remember some of the key points my girlfriends pointed out to me…..

“They are inner city kids, some of their parents probably don’t even know they play, it’s their ticket out of the ghetto, it’s all they have, the mean/swaggy Coach you describe is their only Role Model, they don’t have cushy lives like our kids and it’s their ticket for a better life. “

I can see that. Those are very valid points. However, does that excuse their behavior? Does that excuse the rudeness, the disrespect? Does that give them the right to talk smack “You ain't this You ain't that” to our kids. Sorry Buddy, at 14 you should know “ ain't” isn't a word! Where are their parents? Oh on the bleachers yelling “that ain't a foul” 

That’s my ultimate question. Where are their parents and if they are around they are not parenting. They are buying these kids $300.00 basketball sneakers in the hopes of them making it big. You mean making it big to play college ball like Fab Melo, who got a FULL scholarship to SU, to play ball! YAY, but oh yeah he flunked and then couldn't play anymore. You mean make it big to the NBA for million dollar contracts, contracts that they can’t read nor are they capable of putting a sentence together for an interview after the best game of their life. Is that making it? 

I don’t care if your inner city. I don’t care if you are in the lower economic pool. Being a parent is being a parent. You do not need money to teach or show children LOVE and how to become a good person.  You LOVE them, you show them the way, and you tell them to dream and to be humble. You teach them compassion. You teach them to be strong. You make them get an education. You are the parent, remember you can make them do anything, you’re in charge! You make them the person that if they want a ticket out of the ghetto they are open minded and smart enough to know there are all sorts of ways to get that ticket.  Basketball is a way sure, it’s a dream so many kids follow and that is fine, but not all of the kids on that team will make it. What will those boys that don’t make it do? How will they get their ticket? I think if someone in their life was willing to show them the way they would not be 14 year old punk assholes.  

So for me, trying to make it is not going out to play a sport your passionate about and showing zero sportsmanship and being a wise ass.  It’s not overlooking the tournament rules. It’s playing the game with all you are, with all your talent and being respectful to your teammates, the referees and your opponent. Making it, is also being a good person, being someone that people look up to and can respect. I am not just speaking of making in basketball, I am talking in LIFE! 

Now, my kid is going to make it out there in the world not just because he’s super smart and athletic, but because he knows how to make it. He works just as hard as those kids. He balances straight A’s and 2-3 sports teams at a time. He is always doing homework, going to practice or playing in a game.  I would never feel he is any less worthy of "making it" because I am a good parent, showed him the way, loved him right and give him a cushy life. Never! 

As for those boys I  encountered last weekend. I hope and wish with all my heart they all could make it. I wish I could give them the ticket they need because I would.  But, in my eyes, they will MAKE it when they turn out to be the type of person I wish they had to look up to right now, because that type of “making it” is a ticket out too!